


If Cas was in the Werther House

by Not__Misha__Collins



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Guilty Castiel, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-24
Updated: 2015-04-24
Packaged: 2018-03-25 12:33:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3810571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Not__Misha__Collins/pseuds/Not__Misha__Collins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I wondered what Cas might have seen, had he been in the Werther House (S10E19). This came to me at night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Castiel didn’t just see one illusion, he saw multiples. Samandriel was the first.  
“You killed me!” Samandriel yelled, “How could you DO that? Why!”  
“I’m sorry,” Castiel begged.  
“You SLAUGHTERED us!” Multiple voices spoke.  
Another angel appeared, one Cas had killed when he swallowed all the souls. Another appeared, then another.   
“MURDERER!”  
“EVIL!”  
“Please…stop…” He begged.  
Illusions. He knew they were illusions. That didn’t ease the guilt. The angels he’d killed, innocent people, Jimmy included. How could he live with that? His hand inched toward the blade in his pocket.   
“NO!” He bellowed, “You’re not real!”  
“What’s it gonna be, Cas?” A voice stood out above all the others.  
Cas turned around. There stood Dean, smirking. Cas scrunched his eyebrows. No.  
“What?” Dean said, “You think I CARE about you? You tried to kill me, more than once.”  
“Dean, that was when…”  
“Save it,” Dean interrupted, “I’ll never forgive you Cas. I hate you.”  
Cas shook his head, taking hold of the blade in his hand.  
“Come on Cas,” Another voice said.  
“Sam?”  
“You think we care about you,” Sam said, “You’re useful. You’re not family, you’re our angel helper.”  
Sam wouldn’t say something like that, would he? Was this part of the illusion? Did the Winchesters really hate him?  
“Fine,” Cas said, taking out the blade.  
“MURDERER!”  
“YOU SHOULD BE DEAD!”  
“YOU DON’T DESERVE LIFE!”  
The angels’ voices still screamed at him.  
“I’m sorry,” Cas cried, “I’ve made so many mistakes. You’re right, I don’t deserve life.”  
Dean  
I ran upstairs, carrying Sam, to find Cas in the kitchen. He was in the trance, the one we’d just broken. He was on the floor, bleeding from the stomach.   
“Cas!”


	2. Chapter 2

A knife. A regular kitchen knife is what Cas stabbed himself with. I didn’t trust him to carry his angel blade in there, just in case it affected angels as well. It did. I set Sam down and ran to Cas.  
“Cas,” I repeated.  
“Dean?” Cas questioned.  
“Yeah, it’s me,” I said.  
He sat up, his wound beginning to heal.  
“You and Sam,” He said, “You…hate me?”  
“No,” I said, “That was an illusion.”  
“But…I’ve…killed so many angels,” He said, “People. I tried to kill you and Sam. I…released the Leviathans.”  
I heard Sam groan behind me.  
“Cas, we forgave you,” Sam said, “You’re still family to us.”  
I helped Cas up, who proceeded to heal Sam.  
“I’m useful,” Cas stated, “For now.”  
“Whatever you heard…”  
“Is absolutely true,” Cas finished, “I’m just your angel helper.”  
“Stop it,” Sam said, “I love you, Castiel. I always have, since the moment I met you.”  
Sam pulled Cas in for a hug. I swear I heard Sam whisper “always” into Cas’s ear.   
I hugged Cas as well and walked out to the car. Cas fluttered away, on the promise that he would talk to us when he had a problem.  
I swear I heard them talking, late at night, in Sam’s room.


End file.
